


If We're Torn Apart, Then I Won't Let Go

by lookingforthestars



Category: Runaways (TV 2017)
Genre: AU - No Powers, F/M, None of the other characters are in this but they're all friends in the background
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:40:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22631992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lookingforthestars/pseuds/lookingforthestars
Summary: It's been six years since she last saw Chase Stein. Nine years since she was friends with Chase Stein. And about five seconds since she realized she wasn't over Chase Stein.
Relationships: Chase Stein/Gertrude Yorkes
Comments: 7
Kudos: 75





	If We're Torn Apart, Then I Won't Let Go

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! More fics (I have like three more in mind after this...can't stop won't stop). Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has left comments and kudos on my fics so far, it's much appreciated. :)

She hates this place.

Everyone hates their job. It’s not edgy and rebellious, although Gert kind of wishes it was. Because she’s just like everyone else. Dragging herself into adulthood kicking and screaming, spending a third of her life in a hell of her own making. At least hell has decent coffee.

Gert is particularly crabby because today she has to train a volunteer. Someone wants to do _this_. For _fun_. Or more likely, to get points with their boss, because very few people who work for Stark Industries actually care about its charitable arm. It just looks good on resumes and helps rich white men feel like they’re saving the world in a very specific, tax-deductible way.

She spends the entire morning on calls with donors, which is physically painful, and knocks back cup after cup of hell’s coffee, which is absolutely a mistake. Because when _he_ comes in, Gert is so caffeinated that her skeleton feels like it’s about to pop right out of her skin. “What the fuck?” she says a lot louder than she means to.

Chase’s eyes snap to hers, and he looks equally shell-shocked. Which is good, because if he knew that she was there and still came, she’s going to kick his ass. “Gert?”

“What are you doing here?”

“I work here,” he says, frowning like that’s abundantly obvious. “What are you doing here?”

“No, you don’t.” Gert frowns back. She would know if she and _Chase Stein_ were working at the same company, wouldn’t she? She might have steadfastly refused to hear any and all news of him since he left their friend group, but still, Gert feels like she would have had some kind of spidey sense about him. It would probably feel like an actual spider crawling on her.

“I mean, I just started a few weeks ago, so I guess…or, it’s like a big company, maybe you wouldn’t have heard anyway,” Chase mumbles, scratching the back of his neck. “They, uh, told me to report to the outreach coordinator here.”

“Jesus, _you’re_ the volunteer?” She hates this place SO MUCH. “Why?”

He scrunches up his face, like he’s confused by the question. “Because I have an allotted number of days for volunteer service and…because volunteering is nice?”

“Whatever,” Gert rolls her eyes. _Solid comeback_. It’s like he showed up and she’s right back in high school again, all angry and awkward and defensive, like it hasn’t been six years since she saw him, shouldn’t she have moved on by now? “Feel free to join the proud sales bros before you who came to ‘volunteer’ and spent the whole day on their phones.”

“What makes you think I’m in sales?”

She raises her eyebrows. “Literally everything about you.”

And right then, goddamn Chase Stein laughs. He laughs like they’re sharing a joke instead of her insulting him, or maybe he doesn’t realize it’s an insult, most sales bros wouldn’t. “R&D, actually. But I understand the confusion.”

“I thought you decided not to be smart,” she snarks, and he goes quiet. That might have been a low blow, but she’s not feeling very _high road_ today – or ever, when it comes to him.

“Gert, has it occurred to you that maybe I’ve changed since high school?” She makes the poor decision to look at him, and his expression is so earnest that all the fight drains out of her. Well, not all. Most. Some of that anger has been there for so long, it feels embedded in her soul.

“How would I know? It’s not like I heard anything from you.” It lacks all the venom she intends, and just sounds heartbroken instead. Fuck, what is wrong with her?

Gert looks out the window, not really focusing on anything, and Chase is silent. He’s silent for such a long time that she half thinks he’s walked out, until suddenly he’s in her line of sight, pulling out the rolling chair next to her and sitting down tentatively.

“I wanted to, okay? I wanted to a lot in high school, even when you went to Smith. I just wasn’t in a good place, and you hated me. Or you still hate me, it might be present tense.”

She presses her lips together. He’s been in the room five minutes and they’re already spilling their guts all over each other, but it’s easily been nine years in the making, so maybe this was inevitable when their paths crossed again.

“I’m sorry, Gert. For ditching you guys after Amy. It was all just too much. But…” Chase sighs. “I’m not like that anymore, and if you would give me a chance, I’d really like to earn your friendship again.”

Gert wants to say _yes_ so much that she has to swallow the words down. Chase was her best friend, and a whole lot more to her, and one day he was just gone. It was forever ago, it shouldn’t matter, but he left a scar that’s never fully healed.

He’s offering her a chance to heal it, but it feels too good to be true. Let her down twice, shame on her, right?

“Um…” Gert clears her throat, standing up and smoothing her skirt. “I’ll go get the paperwork. Linda can help you get set up.”

His face falls, and she tries not to think too hard about it when she leaves.

* * *

There are yellow flowers on her desk when Gert comes in the next morning, and she grins reflexively. They’re probably from Earl, the security guard. They went on a few dates and the chemistry wasn’t really there, but occasionally he’ll surprise her with a gift. She’s not sure what he hopes to get out of it, but it’s nice to be thought of.

“I met him this morning,” Ramona chirps, handing Gert a cup of coffee. She’s repeatedly told Ramona that just because she’s an intern doesn’t mean making coffee is in her job description, but Ramona insists she doesn’t mind doing it for people she likes. Gert takes that as a compliment. “Girl, he’s hot.”

Gert gives her a weird look. “You’ve met Earl before. And I thought you said he was, and I quote, _a hard pass_.”

“Earl? Ugh, no, I’m talking about the guy that dropped off the flowers. Chase? From upstairs?”

Her head is spinning a little from that information when she notices the card tucked into the bouquet. Gert pulls it out, chastising herself for the fact that her hands are literally shaking. _Gert, I meant it when I said I’m sorry. Don’t give up on me. When you’re ready, or I guess if you’re ready, you know where to find me._

“Oh, shit, that’s adorable,” Ramona sighs from over her shoulder.

Gert shoves the card back into the vase. “Not your business, Ramona!”

The intern seems unfazed, shooting her an amused smile that says _you’re so screwed_. “Hit him up or I will, I’m not about to waste a perfectly good straight boy.”

Gert spends all day staring at the flowers. She almost throws them out, because she can’t focus on anything else, and then chickens out because that’s what she is. A big, dumb chicken.

She forgot how thoughtful Chase can be, and it’s doing something to her. Specifically, it’s pulling up an awful lot of feelings that she thought she buried, apparently not deep enough. Gert held out hope until their senior night, when Chase secretly got trashed with his lacrosse buddies and pretended not to hear while they talked shit about never having to look at her again. That was the moment Gert decided she would never let Chase Stein back into her friend group, into her life, into her heart – not that he would ever want that, anyway.

But he was right. It’s been six years, and Gert had sure as hell changed, why couldn’t he? He seemed genuine about wanting to make things right. And she was so tired of holding this grudge. It hurt.

* * *

When Gert arrives at the R&D lab the next day, two bags of burgers and fries in hand, Chase just stares and her resolve falters. And then he grins, wide and bright, and Gert feels a little weak.

“Thank you for the flowers,” she says once they’ve relocated to a bench in the courtyard. “They were really nice. And Ramona thinks you’re hot.”

Chase blushes hard and Gert snorts behind her hand. “Oh. Um…I’m glad you liked them. And tell her thank you, I guess?”

“Will do.”

“Seriously, Gert,” he adds after a minute, wiping some grease off his thumb onto the bag. “Thank you for giving me a second chance. I know I don’t really deserve it.”

“That’s yet to be determined.” Gert gives him a soft look. She really hopes he doesn’t screw it up again. Sitting here with him feels so _normal_. Like the last nine years didn’t happen, and this is how they’ve always been. “Catch me up. I don’t even know where you ended up going to college.”

She takes small bites of her burger as Chase fills her in on Stanford and the few soul-crushing jobs he had before landing at Stark Industries. “I gotta say…” He smirks. “This is the last place I expected to find you.”

“Yeah? Why?”

“You spent a whole lot of time raging against the Man and now you work for him. I just…I don’t know, this place didn’t seem like your speed.”

“It’s very easy to rage against the Man until you have to pay rent,” Gert shrugs. “And my ideals are still intact, thank you very much. This company has ridiculous resources, way beyond anywhere else I could go. Isn’t it better that someone who actually cares about the causes is managing them?”

“Yeah, of course. Sorry, I didn’t mean to make it sound like…” Chase shakes his head, exhaling audibly. “Am I screwing this up already?”

Gert huffs out a laugh. “No more than usual.”

They share a smile, small and intimate, and if there’s anyone else currently within a twenty-mile radius, Gert is unaware of them. “I am glad, though. That I found you here.”

This is one of the largest companies in California. It was purely coincidental that they both ended up here, but looking into his eyes right now…Gert could believe in something more.

* * *

He can’t believe Gert is back in his life.

Chase feels like pinching himself every time they eat lunch together, every time her name pops up on his phone, every time she suggests going to a movie or happy hour. They snapped back together so quickly, partners in crime, and he’s incredibly grateful. He thought he blew it for good in high school.

Gert accepted his apology, but she still doesn’t know the whole story. Doesn’t know what he was dealing with at home, doesn’t know about the self-doubt and self-loathing, doesn’t know how hard he worked to bury his feelings for her. He wants to tell her everything, eventually, but for now this is enough. Chase doesn’t want to move too fast and scare her off.

He decides to make the trek down to her office today, because she always comes to his, and stops short in front of the glass doors. Gert is laughing at something, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear, and his breath hitches at how beautiful she looks. Chase would love to walk in and tell her that, but he won’t. She accepted him back as her friend, and he was lucky to get that. Asking anything else of her feels wrong.

For now, at least. He’d loved her all through high school, probably middle school, too, and then he saw her for the first time in six years and it came rushing back like an avalanche. It was never gone, just suppressed, and he doesn’t know if he can force it back down again.

Chase shifts to open the door and in that split second, he sees what Gert was laughing at. Or who, more accurately, because some guy is standing across from her – it looks like the security guard, Earl, he thinks? – and Gert is smiling and blushing. She bites her lip, and that’s when Chase wakes up from his daze, because this is clearly none of his business, and the way his adrenaline is spiking makes him feel like a jerk. He doesn’t have a claim on Gert, he has no right to be jealous. That’s what she would tell him, isn’t it?

He pulls out his phone and texts her. _Hey, sorry, caught up with work. Raincheck on lunch?_

Gert barely glances at her phone before slipping it into her pocket, turning her full attention back to Earl. Chase heads upstairs, suddenly not very hungry.

* * *

Gert spends the whole day in a good mood. Earl had stopped by to drop off a package and told her that she looked gorgeous. It’s not like she needs his reinforcement, or anyone else’s, really, but she doesn’t hate it. She’d reminded him that he wouldn’t get another date from her, and he just shrugged and said, “I know. You still deserve to know you’re beautiful, though.”

Her mood was dampened ever so slightly by Chase canceling lunch, but she gets it. Their schedules won’t align perfectly every day, and she’s just happy to be spending as much time with him as she is.

She tries not to dwell on what it would be like to hear _Chase_ say she’s beautiful. Honestly, she might not survive it. _Oh hey, there’s Gert, she’s the one that proved spontaneous combustion is possible!_

This is a dangerous game, thinking of Chase in any other context than as her friend. That’s what he fought for, that’s what they are, that’s what they _always_ were. And she can’t be unhappy with that, she can’t – Chase is an amazing friend and she’s lucky to have him back in her life. It’s only been a few weeks, but she’s certain that she made the right choice in opening up to him again.

But he’s just so beautiful, inside and out. It’s hard not to feel the pull, hard not to imagine that he looks at her a little too long or lets his hand brush hers on purpose. She wants it to be true, so much, but she knows it isn’t. She loved Chase a lifetime ago, and it’s never been the same for him. She’ll live. If anything, these are probably just unresolved childhood feelings that need to run their course.

Gert gets off the elevator at three minutes to five, hoping to surprise Chase. Ramona gave her two tickets to a hockey game that she couldn’t use because of…some long story that Gert wasn’t listening to, honestly, but she thought Chase might enjoy it.

“Blow anything up, yet?” she teases, leaning over his desk. Chase jumps a little, then realizes it’s her and smiles, almost like an involuntary reaction.

“Nope, they won’t let me near the dangerous stuff yet. I’m playing the long game.”

She’s always loved that. How she can say anything to Chase and he just gets the joke, returns it. “Hey, so, Ramona-.”

“Chase, are you ready?” _Oh_. The girl currently trying to get Chase’s attention is gorgeous, tall and thin with perfectly shiny, straight black hair and flawless skin. Gert wants to disappear, like, right now. “Oh, hi, I’m Wendy.”

Chase blinks. “Uh, Wendy, this is Gert. She works for the foundation. Gert, this is Wendy, she’s the project manager for R&D.”

 _Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool_. “Hi. Are you guys…going out?”

“A few people from the team are getting drinks. You can come, if you want?” Chase sounds like he’s desperately hoping she doesn’t accept, and she’s not surprised. He clearly wants to devote all his attention to the supermodel standing next to them.

“No, thanks, Ramona and I are going to a hockey game,” she lies, plastering on a smile that maybe looks genuine? Who knows? “Have fun, I’ll see you later, Chase.”

She rushes out of the office before she has to watch them flirt with each other.

* * *

They don’t talk for a few days, and Gert isn’t sure if she’s avoiding Chase or he’s avoiding her. He has no reason to avoid her, unless she’s tipped her hand and he knows she’s got a massive crush on him, or he’s just busy with his new girlfriend.

She doesn’t really want to find out, either way, so she maintains radio silence until she gets a text from Chase on Friday afternoon. _Having a shitty day. Can we do something tonight?_

Gert doesn’t know how to feel about it, so her brain settles on all the feelings. But it’s Chase, and she’s never going to turn him away if he needs her. _Yeah, of course. What do you want to do?_

He picks the world’s worst karaoke bar, a place that he loves for reasons Gert doesn’t understand. The sound system is terrible, and the singers are always worse, but the drinks are cheap, and Chase is already on his second beer when she gets there. “Hey.”

“Hey.” He doesn’t even smile. He just looks tired. “Thanks for coming.”

“Sure, Chase. I just…it’s Friday night, I thought you would be with Wendy or something?”

Chase frowns. “Why would I be with Wendy?”

Despite being stone cold sober, Gert suddenly feels like she’s been drinking enough to cloud her brain. “Because, you guys are like…dating, right?”

The look on his face tells her that she does not have this as figured out as she thought she did. “Are you talking about the other night? I told you, the team was going out for drinks. I wouldn’t even really say Wendy and I are friends. We get along as coworkers, I guess.”

Gert definitely should not feel any relief at that, but it comes anyway. “Oh. Okay. Never mind.”

“What about Earl?” Chase asks, taking another long swig from his bottle. “You guys didn’t have plans?”

She startles a little at the mention of his name, wondering why Chase would even ask about Earl. Sure, she’s mentioned him here and there, but nothing to suggest that they were dating again. But she doesn’t ask, because it’s not what he needs right now. “Nope. My schedule was wide open,” she says with a small smile, feeling a weight off her chest when he returns it. “Do you want to talk about your shitty day?”

“Just…one of those days where you can’t do anything right, you know? Like you’re trying your hardest and everyone is blaming you for everything and…” Chase sighs, shutting his eyes for a moment. “I like my job, a lot, but today was not one of the better days. That’s all.”

“I get it.” Gert debates with herself for a minute before reaching across the table and slipping her hand into Chase’s. His warmth seeps underneath her skin, heats her up from the inside. “Let’s just wash it off and have some fun tonight, okay?”

Chase is on beer number five and she’s two rum and Cokes in when he practically pulls her on stage with him. She’s not even sure what song he chose until “Stop Draggin’ My Heart Around” comes on, and Gert grins. They used to sing this song in the car when Chase was finally able to drive without parental supervision, and she kind of can’t believe he remembered.

_Baby you’ll come knocking on my front door_

_Same old line you used to use before_

_That’s the game, well what am I supposed to do_

_I didn’t know what I was getting into_

The song feels different to her, now. Everything is so different from when they were sixteen and stupid, and her chest tightens with the weight of all the years they spent apart. It might also have something to do with the way Chase is looking at her, strangely serious for as tipsy as they are, but not in a bad way. His eyes are warm, and he’s smiling, but there’s an intensity behind it that Gert can’t process right now.

_It’s hard to think about what you’ve wanted_

_It’s hard to think about what you’ve lost_

_This doesn’t have to be the big get even_

_This doesn’t have to be anything at all_

_I know you really want to tell me good-bye_

_I know you really want to be your own girl_

_Baby you could never look me in the eye_

_Yeah you buckle with the weight of the world_

Chase pulls her into a hug when the song ends, leaning into her and yep, it’s probably time for them to go home.

Gert is too tired to coordinate an Uber to two locations, so she directs the driver to her apartment, figuring Chase will be fine with sleeping it off on her couch. It only takes a little fumbling to retrieve her keys and get the door open, and she practically orders Chase to sit down while she gets them both a glass of water. It’s a lot of effort, considering how much she wants to go to bed, but she doesn’t want to hear Chase gripe about his headache all day tomorrow.

“Gert?” He sounds like a little kid. She almost wonders if he’s going to ask for a bedtime story.

“Yeah, Chase?”

“I’m just…I’m so lucky to have you. I love being friends with you and I love singing with you and you’re just…” He gives her a look that could melt the sun. “You’re beautiful, Gert.”

Fuck. She doesn’t spontaneously combust, but she comes pretty close.

* * *

Chase wakes up in an apartment he doesn’t recognize with a wicked headache, and he’s starting to think he made a Really Bad Decision last night when Gert comes out of the bedroom in her pajamas. “Oh, hey,” she says, pausing to yawn. “How do you feel?”

“Uh…fine. Just my head.” Honestly, he can deal with a headache. He’s just relieved to know that nothing happened last night between him and Gert. When – if – something ever does, he doesn’t want it to be like this. He wants to remember everything.

He’s equally glad that he’s not in a stranger’s apartment. He and Gert aren’t dating, it’s not like he couldn’t be with someone else, but he wouldn’t feel great about it anyway. Especially after seeing Gert’s face when she asked him if he was dating Wendy. Chase is pretty sure if she saw him with another woman, he’d lose his shot with her forever.

“I think this is the first time I’ve been here,” he mumbles to get out of his own head. “Beyond, like, the front door, I mean.”

Even though they’ve been spending a lot of time together, Gert has never invited him over before. He doesn’t understand it, exactly, but he doesn’t question it. Maybe there are some parts of her life that she isn’t ready to let him into, parts he hasn’t earned yet.

“Uh, yeah, I guess. Sorry, it just seemed easier last night.”

“It’s totally fine. It’s really nice.”

Gert smiles as she pops a bagel into the toaster. “Thanks. It’s really fucking expensive.”

He laughs. Living anywhere within a thirty-mile radius of Stark Industries means rent is through the roof. _We should split rent,_ he thinks for about half a second, but stops himself because that’s literally the worst idea he’s ever had. For better or worse, he would never be able to stay just friends with Gert if they lived together.

“Do you have plans today?” he asks to change the subject again. His thoughts are really running wild today. “You know you can kick me out if you do.”

Chase can’t decipher the look on her face. He’s hoping, an inordinate amount, that she doesn’t. Because even though they were together for the last fourteen hours, at least, he can never seem to get enough of being around her.

He can’t tell if the light coming through the kitchen window is playing tricks on her skin, but it almost looks like Gert is blushing. Chase wishes he could see her like this every morning. “No plans. We can hang out if you want.”

She bites her lip, like he’s going to say no, like he would ever say no. “Of course I do, Gert.”

* * *

Gert thinks this might have been a perfect day.

Chase had plenty of ideas on how to spend a beautiful, sunny Saturday, so she let him lead. Mini golf, ice cream in the park, an IMAX movie at the science museum. If it was a date – which it wasn’t – it would be the best one she’s ever had.

She can’t help it. Being with Chase is so fun, so comfortable, so intoxicating. They just fit together, two halves of a whole, like when they were kids.

_Yeah, right before he left you._

Fuck, this again. She’s forgiven him, but she can’t shut down the part of her brain that insists this has happened before. Things were good, she thought they were moving toward something, and then he disappeared.

Even the way he touches her is familiar – the hugs that last too long, his hand on her back when he taught her how to swing the club, his arm around her shoulders in the dark theater. It feels different now, because they’re older and she’s affected in ways she wasn’t when she was sixteen, but it’s all happened before. It’s the eye of the storm, the perfect moments before she loses everything.

She fucked up. Becoming friends with Chase again was one thing, but she shouldn’t have let him get this close, shouldn’t have given him all this power over her. It’s only going to end one way.

Gert buries her head in the pillow, feeling like she wants to scream. Her anxiety can never let her have a perfect day.

* * *

Chase can tell something is off as soon as he sees Gert.

He feels it, deep, like they have some sort of psychic connection. It’s painful. Seeing Gert anything other than happy will always be painful for him.

Her eyes widen when she sees him, flickering between him and the bag in his hand. “I told you I was too busy for lunch today, Chase.”

Gert’s acidic tone stings a little. A lot. “Yeah, I know,” he says cautiously, putting the food down on her desk. “I wasn’t planning to stay. I just wanted to bring you something, so you don’t forget to eat.”

Her expression softens for a second, and then her guard is back up almost immediately. “Thanks,” she mutters, turning back to her laptop.

Chase almost stays true to his word and leaves, but something stops him. Gert is definitely mad at him, and he doesn’t understand why. He thought Saturday was pretty much a perfect day, but she didn’t respond to his texts on Sunday, and now she’s canceling lunch and barely acknowledging him.

“Gert, what’s wrong?” He sits in the chair next to hers, his heart thumping as she turns to look at him. She almost looks scared, and Chase _hates_ that, he never wants her to be afraid of him. Never wants her to look at him the way his mom looked at his dad. “What did I do?”

She swallows. “Nothing.”

“That’s obviously not true. I’ll apologize for whatever I did, just please tell me.” Chase brushes his thumb against her cheekbone, pulling back when Gert flinches. “The last thing I ever want to do is hurt you-.”

“Oh my god, would you stop?” she snaps, pushing her chair back forcefully and standing up. Chase freezes, suddenly very glad that the office is empty for lunch and no one is around to witness his entire world crumbling.

Jesus. Jesus, he’s been an idiot, hasn’t he? After everything Gert has told him about the #MeToo movement, he never thought he would be _that guy_. He thought she leaned in when he touched her, thought she smiled when he complimented her, did he imagine all of that? Was he just seeing what he wanted to see all this time? Oh, fuck, he knew he was going to screw this up. Maybe he should have left her alone and never tried to rekindle their friendship, or at least never tried to push his feelings on her, push the boundaries of what she wanted from him. “Gert, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize…”

“It’s not okay for you to lead me on,” she says sharply, avoiding his eyes, and Chase is suddenly confused because it seems like they’re having two very different conversations. “I get that you probably flirt with everyone, but it’s not fair to make someone think you have feelings for them when you don’t.”

Gert looks about five seconds away from crying and Chase knows he has to come up with an answer quickly, even though his brain has effectively been blown into a million little pieces by this conversation.

“Is that what you think? That I’m like this with everyone?” He stands up to meet her but keeps his voice soft, quiet, to stop her from bolting like she clearly wants to. “I act this way because I like you, Gert. Like, I _really_ like you. And I was hoping that you felt the same way but if you don’t, I’m so sorry that I made you uncomfortable. I never meant for that. I can back off, okay?”

He holds his breath waiting for an answer that doesn’t come. Gert is staring at him with an unreadable expression, and his heart is in his stomach and he thinks he should leave before he throws it up. “Okay,” he says after a tense minute. “I’m sorry, again.”

Chase is halfway to the doors when Gert speaks, like she’s just processed his words. “You’re serious?”

“About being sorry or about liking you?”

“Liking me. I believe that you’re sorry.”

Chase takes a cautious step back in her direction. “Of course, Gert. I’ve had feelings for you since we were in high school. Probably before that, honestly. I know that’s not fair, considering how I treated you, but…” Another step. “My life is a million times better since you came back into it. If you just want to be friends, I’ll respect that, but I swear I’m not leading you on.”

Gert’s shoulders relax, and a ghost of a smile appears on her lips. “Do you…do you want to kiss me?”

 _Yes, one thousand percent_. Chase grins like an idiot, taking her face in his hands and leaning in slowly. She helps him along, meets him halfway, and Chase feels like literal fireworks are exploding in his head.

He’s waited for this for years, and it's entirely worth it.

* * *

Chase has to keep reminding himself that when he gets to urge to kiss Gert, he can just go ahead and do it.

Like, right now, for instance. Gert rolls over, smiling at him lazily, her hair sticking out in every direction and dark marks dotting her shoulders and chest. Maybe he got carried away, but last night was pretty much the best night of his entire life, and he has no regrets.

He leans in, kissing her deep and slow. Chase feels like he’s dreaming – probably because he’s had actual dreams like this – but Gert reciprocates eagerly, moaning quietly into his mouth as one hand tangles in her hair and the other ghosts over her body. Fuck, it’s really not fair that she has so much power here.

“What do you say we call out?” Chase breathes, kissing a path down her neck. “We have a lot of time to make up for.”

Gert whimpers a little as he sucks on the skin just above her collarbone, but her restraint is clearly a lot stronger than his, because she shakes her head. “I can’t. Big donor presentation today and Linda will kill me if I’m not there.”

“Fine,” he sighs dramatically into her skin, making her giggle. “Do you want to get in the shower while I make coffee? We have to leave by eight at the latest.”

“Actually…I don’t think we should go in together.”

“Okay?” he says, and it’s not so much an agreement as an _I don’t understand_.

Gert sits up, pulling the sheet with her and brushing a hand through her hair. “Um, people just gossip a lot, okay? And they already know I dated Earl, I just…I don’t want people thinking that I’m dating the whole company, you know?”

He doesn’t. There are like five thousand employees in their building alone, two is hardly a significant percentage. “Babe, we eat lunch together every day. I’m sure people already think something is up.”

“Yeah, maybe. I don’t know. Can we just hold off for a while? Figure out what this is first?”

Chase knows what it is to him, but he can’t expect Gert to be on the same page. They’ve been together for less than twenty-four hours, and she’s spent nine years hating him. As long as Gert wants to be with him, he’s beyond happy. “Sure. We can do this however you want.”

She smiles bright, pecking him on the lips before she rolls out of bed. His face is hot, and he feels like the most lovesick dork in the universe.

* * *

“Oh, _fuck_ ,” Gert breathes in his ear, making him shiver. They’re in a supply closet, because Chase is nothing if not a cliché, and his lips are on a spot under her ear and her leg is hiked up around his hip and his hands are on her ass and Chase feels like he’s about to lose his mind.

“We really need to stop doing this at work,” he pants. “I’m going to get fired.”

“Yeah, that’s part of the fun,” Gert whispers, her smile hot and sweet. God, he’s so in love with her.

Oh. That’s…not a new thought, exactly, but maybe one that’s been on hiatus for a while. Huh.

Gert sighs as she checks her watch over his shoulder. “My break is over. Sorry, babe.” Neither of them is actually reckless enough to have sex at work, so they break apart, trying to adjust hair and buttons and makeup. She waves his hand away from his shirt and tucks it back in for him, smoothing out the wrinkles with her fingers. There’s something about that kind of touch that’s almost more intimate than when they’re making out.

“Thanks,” he grins at her. “You might want to go to the bathroom and fix your lipstick. If we both show up looking disheveled at the same time, people will definitely know we’re together.”

He says it as a joke, but her face closes up, and she leaves him alone with a kiss on the cheek and a rushed, “See you tonight.”

Chase is almost certain that he’s missing something, but he has no idea what.

* * *

When he told Gert they could do this however she wanted, this isn’t what he pictured.

Because okay, yes, they’re at a company party and she doesn’t want their coworkers to know they’re dating. He gets that part.

But he thought they could at least hang out tonight as friends, like they normally would. Drinking free champagne and doing bad lip readings to crack each other up. But not only has she not even acknowledged him, but she’s across the room talking to _fucking Earl_ , god, he would punch that guy if Gert wouldn’t dump him for his toxic masculinity.

He just doesn’t understand what they’re doing. They spend almost every night together, and it’s so _good_ , and then they come to the office and Gert won’t touch him with a ten-foot pole unless no one is around. If this is just a hookup, he wishes she would be honest about it, because he’s head over heels in love with her and he needs to know that she at least _could_ feel that way, someday.

Earl finally leaves, probably to get drinks, it doesn’t matter, and Chase seizes the opportunity to march up to her, ignoring the surprise and discomfort in her eyes. “I need to talk to you, and I get the feeling you want to do it somewhere private.”

She nods, pushing open the glass double doors and stepping into the courtyard. They walk until they’re on the opposite end of the building, out of sight from the party. “What, Chase?”

“What do you mean, _what_.” His adrenaline feels like it’s cranked up to a thousand. “Gert, what is this? You wanting to keep our relationship a secret is one thing, whatever, but ignoring me in public is getting really old.”

Gert sets her jaw. “I told you I wasn’t ready for people to know. You don’t understand what it’s like for women, dating around makes them the office slut and-.”

“And that’s obviously ridiculous, but come on Gert, do you not want people to know you’re dating someone at work, or do you not want them to know you’re dating _me_?”

“What does that even mean?”

“It means, are you embarrassed about our relationship?” Shit, he hates the unsteadiness in his voice. “Because I’m not. I’m happy, and I want everyone to see that. Why don’t you?”

Gert’s stony expression cracks, just a little. “Do I need a reason? I just don’t, okay? You’re not even thinking about this from my perspective, like, you and I both know this isn’t going to last. You’re going to ditch me as soon as someone hotter comes along, and then I’ll have to field five thousand questions about why we’re not together anymore. Why would I set myself up for that kind of humiliation?”

 _You and I both know this isn’t going to last._ Chase feels like he’s been dropkicked.

“Someone hotter? Seriously? You’re beautiful, Gert.” Those words aren’t even adequate to describe the way he feels when he looks at her. There aren’t words, but he’s sure that she can see it in his eyes, like how does she not _get_ this yet? “Besides, do you think I’m so shallow that all I care about is how you look? I mean, is that all you like about me?”

She doesn’t say anything, which feels like an answer.

He can’t…he can’t be here anymore. Chase feels like he’s suffocating. So he just turns around and walks away – away from her, away from the party, away from all these witnesses to the worst moment of his life, and she doesn’t stop him.

* * *

Stupid. Fucking. Anxiety.

Gert cries for probably three days straight, once she finally lets it sink in that she hurt Chase. Like, _really_ hurt him. In a way she didn’t think she could. Being with him felt so amazing, made her so happy, she convinced herself that something this good couldn’t last. But then she said as much, and Chase looked devastated.

And then, to top off the garbage sundae, she let him think she was only interested in him for physical reasons. Even though she knows he’s sensitive about that, has been since high school, has always struggled with accepting that he was kind and intelligent and worth listening to, not just looking at.

A couple of weeks pass, and Gert feels hollow. Her bed seems cold and empty in a way it never did before, she works through lunch, everything is just _wrong_ , because Chase has entangled himself in every aspect of her life and there’s no getting him out, now.

Maybe he’ll break her heart, one day, but it’s already too late to protect herself. She’s in love with him, it’s too late.

* * *

Chase thinks he might be hallucinating.

Because it’s Friday morning and Gert is in his chair when he walks in, fiddling with the armrests like she’s waiting for him. And he knows that seeing her should make him angry, but instead all he can think about is how much he’s _missed_ her.

He clears his throat and their eyes meet, and Gert stands up quickly, looking a little embarrassed. “What are you doing here?”

She tenses. He didn’t mean to sound so irritated, he’s just confused. “Chase, I’m sorry, okay?”

“Gert,” he starts, even though he doesn’t have a plan for what he’s going to say next, and he’s a little relieved when she holds her hand up to stop him.

“Please. Just…” She shakes her head. “You don’t have to forgive me, but I do have to apologize.” Chase nods to let her know he’s listening, and she takes a deep breath before forging ahead. “You left me in high school. You ignored me for years. I trusted you, and that destroyed me. And I thought I forgave you for all of it, but deep down, I couldn’t accept that it wouldn’t happen again. I convinced myself it would happen again. And that’s why I didn’t want to tell anyone. Not because you weren’t worth it, or you didn’t mean anything to me, or…”

Gert trails off, but Chase couldn’t respond right now if he wanted to, and he’s pretty sure she’s not done.

“There’s so much that I like about you, Chase. I mean, yeah, obviously, you’re really attractive and I’m not mad about that.” He can’t help the smile that quirks his lips. “But I like everything about you. I like that you always hold the door open for other people, and how passionate you are about your projects, and how you’re so determined to be optimistic no matter what happens around you. I like that your heart and your brain are both so big and I like that you make me see things in a different way. And I like being with you, it makes me really happy, Chase. It does. My anxiety is always going to make me think the rug is being pulled out from under me, that’s just how my brain works, and I know that might be more than you want to deal with. I get it. But if you’re willing to try, then I can at least talk to you about it instead of holding it in.”

She stops rambling and exhales. Chase reaches out, taking her hands in his and running his thumbs along her knuckles, which seems to soothe her. “Gert, I want to be with you, whatever that looks like. Okay? If you don’t want to go public, I don’t care. I was just being insecure.”

“No, you weren’t. I hurt you, I know that. I just…I don’t want to hide. If you want to do this, I’m in, and I’ll deal with whatever comes after.”

Chase grins. “That’s good, because, uh, I think a few of my coworkers are in on the secret now.” He’s pretty sure that’s _why_ she came to his office, so he would know she meant _no more hiding_. He thinks his boss might be filming it.

“Nosy bastards,” Gert jokes, rolling her eyes.

He kisses her. Someone whistles, and Chase is well aware that he’s going to get teased mercilessly, but he doesn’t care. Because Gert is his, completely, and he couldn’t worry about anything else if he tried.


End file.
